Permission

I spent such a long time trying to be someone else.  I wanted to be an actual replica of a person who I admired (and, admittedly, idolized as the correct version of mother/wife/friend) and had been told was someone I should emulate.

I am realizing now, over the last two years of healing from the scars of having my metaphorical skin stripped away in place of what others thought was better, that I am enough.

Well, I'm not really enough, but I have been given the power to apply the things I have learned, and will continue to learn, as I see fit for me and my family.

This is true freedom for me.

I have no desire at this moment (my youngest is leaning on me, waiting to read a book together) to write a list of things...things I want to do, things I have done, things I need to do.  There are just so many things, and so little of them really, truly matter. 

Don't get me wrong, I love lists (name that movie!) it's just that I tend to feel so accomplished once things are out of my brain and onto paper and then nothing much happens after that.  Lists full of things that are not attainable right now in my current season of life just serve to make me feel discontented and terrible about who I am in this moment. 

And right now, in this moment, I am under the weather, tired and not looking forward to having to leave the comfort of my nest to venture down the street to work. 

I'll share the one New Years resolution that I've actually taken to heart (besides my promise to get the color finished on my new tattoo before my anniversary in March!) and made my own.

I resolve to give myself permission to be in the moment.  Because when you get right down to it, today, right now, this moment is all any of us get.

 

Comments

[JosieRae]

Amen!!!! You are a wonderful self, just the way you ARE!!!!!

[Jennifer]

Awesome post! I am journeying through a healing process right now focusing on being the real me. Your post resonates. (I just happened to pull up your blog from a search for "musician's wife". I am the wife of a musician as well.)