The Musician's Wife

Bubbles

There's nothing new under the sun (or clouds, as it were here in the Seattle area) when it comes to New Years Resolution blog posts.

Do a quick search and your brain will  run through a gamut ranging from inspirational, make a list and conquer diatribes to let it slide and be happy with yourself zen posts.

I guess I'll add my own two cents.  I'm a blogger. It's what I do.

 

NEW YEARS.

By Kimberly Loomis

Ahem.

 

If you know yourself, then set yourself up for success. 

Okay, that's it! Have a great day!

Just kidding.

 

An example: I suck at follow through.  I get all excited about something, for instance, exercise, well...now...okay, I've never really gotten excited about exercise...more like...driven.

Okay, so I get all driven (grammar nazis give me a break here) about exercise for a short while and then the driven-ness wanes and suddenly I realize I've gone 22 weeks without doing what I had set out to do on a regular basis. 

I'm no rocket engineer (my father in law is though, so I occasionally get to hang out with one, so that's cool) but exercising once every 22 weeks doesn't exactly qualify as "on a regular basis". 

What happens there?

 

I'm not a psychologist, either, in fact I am a chronic mis-speller of any word with psy- at the beginning of it.  However, at 33 I'm learning to understand myself a little bit at least.

What happens is that I set myself up for failure. 

For me, and please tell me I'm not the only one, making a resolution, no matter how solemnly, is like blowing bubbles. 

I reverently dip that little plastic wand into the soapy mixture, purse my lips and gently release a stream of air I filtered through my very own lungs specifically for this moment. 

A magic little ball of rainbowy goodness emerges, carefully separates from the wand and floats in the air like a chubby little fairy.

I stare in awe.  It's simply magical.

Then.

POP.

It's gone.

Now, I can just go on and make another one, right?  But that one bubble, the one I created all by myself, is gone.  Never to return.  I can make a million like it--soap is cheap, as are promises, but none of them are going to last more than a few, fleeting moments.

As are my "resolutions".

 

So, what's a girl to do?

Know thyself.

 

I'm an extrovert.  I NEED other people around me to get inspired, energized and to keep me from falling into the deep dark abyss of depression. 

No pressure, friends. :D  But, seriously, I need to be around people.  Like, people who aren't my little people, who don't need me to wash and feed them and keep them from falling off the top bunk and breaking their own arms or throwing their siblings from top bunk and breaking their arms.

So, if my goal is to do more writing/art/photography stuff, I need to make sure I'm hanging out with people that inspire me.  Go to shows (if only I knew some awesome local musicians to partake of...) go to parties, hang out with my inspiring friends...get out of the freaking HOUSE!  It's so much easier to stay home, especially when I've been working out of the house a lot.  But if I spend more time feeding others and not feeding myself, I'm going to starve.

If my goal is to get healthy, I need a partner.  Now, I love my husband, but he is never going to tell me not to eat that ice cream at 10 o'clock at night, or to get off my butt and go for a walk, even if I ask him to.  It isn't his nature, and if I stake my success in something that is against my own nature based on input from him that is against his nature I am now setting us BOTH up for failure.  Not good.

I have a friend, you can find her here who is going to help me this year with my health goals.  That's what I need. Not to forge on this road alone or with someone who isn't the 'coaching' type, but with someone who has been through my struggle, can relate, understand and has the ability and drive to cheer me on.  Yippee!

And so it goes, my friends.

What do you want to do?  What do you need to make that happen? 

If you're like me, and a list on your bathroom mirror will just serve to make you stop using that particular bathroom to avoid the guilt an unfulfilled list gives you, are we stuck feeling crappy about ourselves? 

I think not.

 

Though our current culture values guys like Tony Robbins, I'm not the dog-eat-dog type.  I'm not going to claw my way to my goals.  And it isn't that there is something wrong with me, it's that there is something wrong with that advice for me. 

I don't wear lipstick because I don't think it looks right on me.  I prefer tinted gloss.  I've had plenty of people disagree with me and tell me how great a dark shade of maroon brings out my eyes or cheekbones or nose hairs or whatever. I just can't stand the way lipstick feels on my mouth.  Whenever I see myself in the mirror with it on I get a little startled.  Does that mean there's something wrong with me?  Of course not.

Same with achieving goals.

There are many paths to the same destination, carved out for people of differing abilities and personality types.  There are also many paths that are open to some and closed to others.  I doubt I'm ever going to be able to afford the toll on the Personal Trainer & Nutritionist road.  That's okay, though.  My path is slower, it's going to take me longer to get where I'm going, and I'm okay with that. 

 

Know thyself.

It's a great start.

 

Happy New Year!

 

Photo by me, no you can't have it but you can use it if you ask permission and give me credit. :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Inside our Christmas: Tight space, tight budget.

We've been living in a very small (about 900 sqft) mother in law apartment since July.  This was (is) an attempt to save money until a house we're going to rent from friends opens up next summer. 

This made Christmas a little...sticky.

We also are on the tightest budget we've ever, EVER had. Which made things stickier.

NO room to store a plethora of new toys + VERY little money to spend on gifts = the emotional equivalent of a sticky paper rat trap. 

 

First of all, I had to be careful what I told friends and family they could get for the kids.  There was one thing my oldest daughter really wanted--this helium filled robot shark baloon thing--but my Mom looked it up and it was HUGE.  There was no way that was going to work.

Second of all, when you've got a tight budget, but your kids ask for stuff from Santa, it's hard not to try to make ONE of those things work.

Here's where I got lucky.

Well, I don't think luck has anything to do with it.  It's almost completely due to a decision we made about five years ago that I'm so very happy with to this day.

 

Five years ago we shut off cable.  That's right.  No TV shows, no news, no HBO or National Geographic or PBS.  If it wasn't on video, we didn't get to see it.

Recently that has improved, with the advent of Hulu and Netflix and the ability to watch it through our XBOX 360.  Redbox movies have been awesome as well.  We spend a total of $15 a month on watching stuff on our television.  FIFTEEN DOLLARS.

How did this help with Christmas?

Two words: NO COMMERCIALS.

Since my children watch Netflix exclusively, they avoid the constant bombarding media blitz and the resulting capitalistic consumer carnage. 

In short, they have no idea what to ask for.  They have no idea what new toys are out, what the lastest fashions are or anything.  Other than watching regular tv at my parent's house on occassion and looking through catalogues there as well they aren't exposed to very much advertising at all.  Other than the radio, and what they see on billboards and of course what they see on shelves in stores (we don't frequent places like Target anyway) they just don't have to deal with it.

 

What did they ask for this year? Before looking at the catalogues at my parent's house, this is what they said:

My son wanted Halo 4 (not happening since he's grounded from video games for an indefinite amount of time) and the second Warrior's book series set.

My oldest daughter wanted a blanket with fish on it, a book about fish and some fish toys.

My youngest wanted "Hello-Kitty stuff." 

 

Of course, once they got to the catalogues they circled practically every single item, especially my daughters!  But my parents are wise and chose great gifts that they knew would be played with for a long time and my kids understood that they wouldn't get everything they asked for.  We made a point of discussing that when people get gifts they want the recipeient to be surprised, so we make lists in order to pick one thing out of many to make it a fun mystery!  They liked this idea.

In the end we were able to stay UNDER budget.  Of course, at home the kids only got two total gifts, one from us and one from Santa, plus stocking items.  However, later in the morning family members added well chosen gifts to my children's "meager" haul, as well as money toward purchasing other items as well. 

Even so, they didn't bring tons and tons of new 'stuff' home, but carefully and wisely chosen toys, books and clothes that they are going to cherish because nothing is going to get lost in the shuffle. They know who each gift is from and how carefully it was chosen. 

I absolutely love it.

And I absolutely love not having cable!

 

How was your Christmas? Are your children blessed with lots of gifts, or just a few?  How do you work to instill gratefulness no matter how many gifts are recieved?

Do you think you could ever part with television? Have you already?

I'd love to hear your stories!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We need your help-Fundraising for Music

In this day and age, musicians don't tend to get "discovered" anymore. People back in the day wanted to be discovered was because having a music career without the backing of someone with money (if you didn't already have money yourself) was next to impossible. However, with money to back a musician also came power--to take most of what the musician made for yourself, to change things as you saw fit, to have control.

These days, through fundraising we have the chance to INVEST in the musicians we believe in, the ones we would like to see have successful careers outside the powerful machine that exists on TV and the radio today.

This is not a paper cup and a plea for spare change--this is an offered opportunity to help toss a pebble into the pond of creativity to create ripples of movement that could change not only our lives, but the lives of other musicians who will be coming forward in the next few years.

My husband is not sitting around twiddling his thumbs waiting for a bunch of people to donate money to carry him to stardom. In fact, fame has never been our goal--while it may be a side effect of being a musician at times, fame is not sustainable, fame is fleeting. Having a career in music is the goal.

This album, like the ones before, is a step in that direction--only this time, those coming together to create it are people who have attained the goal we are shooting for: a sustainable career in the world of music that also transfers to other forms of art such as movies and theater.

So much work is done on a daily basis in addition to Brad's day job. The music itself is a full time job that has tremendous value, we just haven't seen a return on our own investment yet. We know we will, and you can be part of it. 

With the addition of Pauline and Jedidiah Wick something very special is being formed--Brad and Pauline's voices together have inspired so many people who have heard them sing together in the last few months to say "Wow, they've got something there."  We agree.

Visit our fundraising site and see if anything catches your fancy. The items you receive are relatively negotiable, meaning if you don't want to go down to LA, you don't have to! At the very least you will get some excellent music to listen to out of your investment. Every dollar helps and believe me, I've donated less than five dollars to other campaigns before because that was all the extra I had. We are grateful even if you just share this post, or Brad's facebook page or his website with your friends.  If you haven't heard his music before, the website is a great place to listen to the last album, read his blog and get more insight into the journey we have been on.

And, as Brad and the Wicks continue to work together to create a new band and a new brand, be on the look out for great things to come from that colaboration as well.

Thanks so much to those who have already invested, and thank you to those of you who will.  We carry you in our hearts every single day.

~Kimberly

 

 

 

 

How to have my morning in 25 easy steps.

1. Go out to your car to take the kids to school.
2. Realize your car battery is probably dead because the fob won't work to unlock it.
3. Try to start the car.
4. Leave the keys in the car, close the door, but not until you push the lock button. (You think you have the keys in your hand because you're holding something that isn't keys)
5. Yell at your 10 year old to close the front door before the dog gets out.
6. Realize as the door shuts that the handle is probably still locked.
7. Confirm the handle is locked.
8. Go to the neighbor's and ask for help.
9. Watch in slight horror as your neighbor easily uses his YMCA card to break into your house. (thanks, Dave!)
10. Call AAA.
11. Get the car unlocked, get car jumped, thank tow truck dude #1, take kids to school.
12. Get to school, turn van off, run in to check kids in and take a refill of meds to the nurse for the above mentioned 10 year old.
13. Get youngest daughter, who is wearing footie pajamas and pull on boots, buckled into car. Kiss her face.
14. Try to start car.
15. Hang head and try not to cry.
16. Call AAA again, pop hood, go into school and tell them why you're sitting in their no parking zone with your hood open.
17. Watch as tow truck dude #2 hooks up cables. Take a photo. Post to instagram, facebook and twitter.
18. Try to start car 14,142 times. Fail 14,142 times.
19. Try to start car one, last time.  Kill the battery in the tow truck in the process.
20. Wait as tow truck dude #2 calls tow truck dude #3.
21. Watch tow truck dude #3 hook up cables to tow truck #3.  Start car.  Clap hands in delight, then feel embarrassed for responding like a 4 year old who just got a birthday present.
22. Thank tow truck dudes #2 and #3.  Back up van carefully to leave parking lot.
23. Knock over orange parking cone.
24. Nearly hit tow bar thingy on back of tow truck #2.  Get winked at by tow truck dude #3.
25. Drive around Everett for half an hour so battery can charge up.  Get a coffee at Starbucks and do not feel guilty. You freaking deserve it.

 

Wrong place, wrong time.

 

I've learned that I really can't boil an idea of any real value down to one or two sentences in order to share it on places like facebook.

When I try, I am often being impatient or unkind in trying to do so. It's a shortcut. It is lazy. It is an avoidance of teaching or sharing through relationship.

If a statement is so distilled that only me and people who agree with me can get anything out of it, yet I'm sharing it with people who may not agree, all I'm really doing is and patting myself on the back for being 'right' and encouraging others to do the same.

Which, when I think about it, is really just pride, plain and simple.

I'm learning to ask myself, "What's the point of making this statement?". All too often I realize I'm putting an idea, thought or feeling somewhere it has no business being.

This is my husband, live. Check out his website as well, where you can listen to his music. bradloomismusic.com

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Soule Mama Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

 

Snow in January

Saturday did not go as planned.

Not at all.

I woke up at 6am with a really bad migraine.  The pain was so bad that in my dream I could feel the pounding and hear it too, it was so loud that I couldn't hear the person I was talking to (Dr. Clancy from my work).  Then I woke up and boy....it was bad.

So I took some ibuprophen, the only thing I could find that might actually help but also let me sleep.  I had to eat something to take it though, so I struggled through half a protien bar and a small glass of milk and went to bed, hoping it would be better by the time my alarm went off for work.

It wasn't.  I called in.  I told them I was hoping it would be better in about an hour, once the real meds kicked in.  Then I laid there for a minute...and woke up an hour and a half later just as my phone was sending a call to voicemail.  I got up, ate something, drank some coffee and water and took Excedrine. 

I went back up to bed and listened to the message.  Work was crazy.  Would I be coming in?  I laid down again--pound pound pound went my head.  I kept telling myself that the Excedrine would kick in and I'd get up and go to work.  11am--still in pain.  1pm, after a nap and MORE medication it was still really bad.  What the heck? I never made it into work.  My migraine lasted eleven hours.  ELEVEN. 

This doesn't happen very often, but when it does it really sucks.  I feel like I've let everyone down.  Lost money from not working, my co-workers having to take up the slack for my absence.  I really hope someone was able to come in--I was too out of it to call until after closing time. 

Plus, the old anxiety tends to have a good rush at me...is that thing that happened during and after my last c-section happening again?  It's a long story but the short of it is that I had the worst head pain I've ever experienced while on the table for the c-section.  I thought I was having an anurism and about to die.  The anesthesiologist thought I was having an anurysim and was going to die.  It stopped though, and we moved on until two days later it happened again.  Luckily I was still in the hospital and wound up spending a week there.  I couldn't lay down, or even sit, without that throbbing, awful pain that got worse and worse until I thought my head was going to explode...literally.  It was terrible, they put me on some serious drugs, from which I had a really scary reaction which gave me the third "I'm going to die." experience in two weeks time and also which the doctors said was safe for breastfeeding but several nurses said was not.  Eventually acupunture fixed it, after only two treatments.  Thank God.  Now, when the throbbing starts I don't have a panic attack, but it's been 4 years to get to that point.  Thank God.

 

The one thing I did get to do was go outside for ten minutes and stand in the snow with my kids.  Well, Loren took off immediately to play with friends, as per usual, so I got to watch the girls enjoy the snow they've been hoping would come for so long.

I tried to be in the moment, and enjoy it, despite the guilt from missing work and the pain still digging behind my left eye and temple. I even got a few photos.

 

      

 

 

 

I was ready with a warm bath when they finally decided to come in.

I also got to watch with a smile as Brad picked up his girls and hugged them before leaving for a show.

And, finally, I got to spend time with Loren and gift him with grace and video games before bed. 

Things rarely go as planned around here, it seems.

But it also seems I'm learning to be okay with it a little more every time.

 

Intentional Eating and Channeling My Inner Tortoise

 

 

I've spent the last four years slowly changing the way my family and I eat.  The first two years were just trying to get away from processed foods and add more whole foods to our diets.  The last two have been focused on eliminating gluten from our diets (I was diagnosed with Celiac disease in 2008). 

Now, over the last six months I have been adding to our slow and steady pace of changes an idea that has many names.  There's Slow Food and of course the whole organic movement. 

I prefer to call it Intentional Eating. (I'm sure someone else has, as well.)

Here is the thought process, and it is very simple:  Ask where your food is from.  Think about the answer.  Weigh it against your beliefs and standards.  If it passes the test, feel free to consume.  If not, put it back and eat something else.

Now, I go really slow when it comes to things like this.  I want to dive in and make huge, sweeping changes and then after a few days or weeks my stamina peeters out and I can't do it any more.  This happens because I am reacting, not changing.  What I want to do is change. 

So I've learned over the last couple of years that, though I am definitely a Hare, I need to channel my inner tortoise. 

Slow and steady wins the race.

Barbara Kingsolver's book has helped a lot with this transition.  She and her family moved to an inherited farm in Maine and decided to make a commitment as difficult as marriage and as binding as financing a brand new car:  Eat only local foods grown by them or in a very small radius to their location.

Amazing and infinitly inspiring.  I'd love to move to a farm in Maine and do something similar, but I, being a serial extrovert, would have to take a few other families with and make a mini-commune or risk unfortunate consequences to my heart and soul.

Not to mention that my husband's livelyhood requires a much more urban location.  There's not much of a market for running live audio in chickens coops or goat pastures and I have no idea if there is even a noteable music scene in Maine for his band to play.

For me, this commitment is too far a reach and beyond my abilities as a working mother of three young(ish) children.  It's a goal for later, tucked away in my heart for excited exploration in another season of my life.

Right now what is tangible is the idea of eating (mostly) local and organic. This means no oranges or bananas unless the fact that they are organic and not from too far away (California not Florida, Mexico not India) can justify their purchase.  Luckily I think now that our children are older, we could safely eliminate both from our diets and no one would really notice.  I also think that if we only purchased those fruits on occasion it would make them more special and be a justifiable occasional treat. 

It also means spending more money, but only in a way.  You see, when we bought our first 1/4 cow from Klesick family farms this year, we invested about $400 for this locally grown, humanely raised and slaughtered, grass fed, organic beef.  Along with this purchased I decided I would make 1-2 fully vegetarian meals every week to make up for the cost of buying all this meat all at once.  Lentis and blackbeans are cheap, even the organic variety. 

This, coupled with detailed meal planning based on specials at our local co-op is how I plan to balance our grocery budget.  We save in other ways, like using reusable "paper" towels, purchasing in bulk, and using baking soda and vinegar for everything from house cleaning to shampoo and conditioner.  (We're not quite there yet, I can't feel good about dumping a bunch of unused cleaning supplies and shampoo into the landfill and who's going to want a bunch of half empty bottles of srubbing bubbles and window cleaner?)

Occasionally we get off track, like when my husband bought a pack of paper towels out of the blue after not purchasing them for 4 months.  He didn't even really know why he bought them.  It'd be easy to get frustrated, but if I stress over the trees chopped down and bleaches dumped into the water supply and fuel used to deliver those rolls from Indiana to Everett, WA I'll be wasting time on something I can't change.  Life is full of mistakes.  Chalk it up to an on-field error and move on. 

What I am excitedly dreaming about in these long winter days is transforming our rental's tiny back yard into a beautiful space with raised beds where I can grown some of my own food, organically.  I've NEVER done more than grow a handful of cherry tomatoes from a plant sold at a grocery store.  I have no real experience in gardening and don't even know where to get locally grown, organic seeds or starts.  I don't know how to build raised beds from reclaimed wood and I don't know how to manage pests.  I don't know a good way to sequester a potty area for my dog so I'm not dealing with land mines while I work out there.  I don't know how to make the best use of my tiny space...holy smokes, I don't know much at all, really!

I do know how to read.  And so I am.  Diligently. 

I started with Barbara Kingsolver and will move on to other books, websites and advice from friends who are one, two and fifteen steps ahead of me in the adventure that is gardening. 

In fact, I bought this book for one of those friends and it never actually made it into his hands.  I'll have to be sure he gets it when I'm through.

You should get it too, if not for inspiration or your own intentional eating adventure then for a great story that has great information woven all throughout.

I recommend finding a locally owned book seller in your area, but if you have to search in a used bookstore or the library, please do find it. 

If any of you are on your own intentional eating or organic gardening adventure I'd love to hear from you! 

Here's to thinking a little bit harder about our choices, consuming less, supporting our local farmers and starting new adventures!

 

 

 

 

 

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Soule Mama Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.